Snapshots of Dementia: Memory Matters
Photo by RoonzNL on Pixabay Although the frontal-lobe aspect of Tom’s dementia means we noticed devastating behavioral changes, his memory loss has also been a consistent sign and symptom. Throughout our journey, I’ve heard comments such as, “Oh, I forget things all the time!” or “I do that too—maybe he’s not as bad as you think!” While yes, we all forget things, there is a definite difference between forgetfulness associated with normal aging and forgetfulness associated with dementia. I won’t go into those details here, but you’ll find a good explanation at this link. In short, experts often use the term “memory loss that disrupts daily life” to distinguish it from more normal, age-related memory loss. I’ll give you a few examples from various points in Tom’s journey that I hope will illustrate why memory matters and how debilitating it can be. Work: While Tom was still employed as a minister of music, he had increasing trouble keeping track of the details needed to serve a midsize congregation (around 500 in attendance total at three different services). The last year or two, when he led choir rehearsal, he invariably left one or two songs out of the audio file he had prepared in advance. After he lost his job and I spoke with our former senior pastor (who had retired the year before), I learned that often, he and Tom would have a discussion that Tom didn’t recall even a few days later. During this time, he also struggled to use his in-ear headphones and fumbled with his mic nearly every week; he also forgot preplanned details of the services. Home: Long before diagnosis, we had to install special hinges on our front door to close it after Tom left it wide open more than once when he left for work. Nowadays, his memory has declined enough that he leaves other doors open on a regular basis: cabinets, dishwasher, refrigerator, freezer—I often think about how short his memory must be if he can’t remember to close a door he has opened only seconds before. As you can imagine, he loses and has lost various items for years—I’ve sometimes wished I could have all the time back that I’ve spent hunting for them! We do use a Tile tracker and connected app on the most essential items, but it’s amazing how quickly he can lose the remote, his phone, his reading glasses, his coffee mug, or whatever object was last in his hand. Outings: Memory loss makes it increasingly difficult for Tom to navigate places he doesn’t know well. When we go to a store and he needs to use the restroom, I stand near the door, or he won’t find his...
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